[sic] Magazine

Lakeside Nursery Boss ‘seriously considering’ fence-type structure after ninth toddler drowns.

After the tragic drowning of four year-old, Zac Welldon, at Daisy & Jack’s Lakeside Nursery, owner, Frank Watson, was forced to concede yesterday that ‘some kind of fence’ would probably help cut down the number of water-related deaths at the popular drop-off point.

As grief-stricken parents consoled each other, Mr Watson paid tribute to Zac, whom he described as a ‘bright, cheeky child with a lot of energy who would be sorely missed by many of the staff here.’ Police frogmen worked into the early hours to recover Zac’s body from the lake, whereupon Watson warned divers: ‘Don’t bring that inside – it’ll ruin the carpets.’

Some kind of fence

Watson admits that the series of warning signs he erected around the lake following the drowning of three-year old Luke Patterson last August, are sometimes lost on the infants, many of whom are, in his words, ‘a bit slow when it comes to reading’.

Meanwhile Zac’s parents, Nigel and Julie Welldon gave their full backing to Watson’s tentative plans to fence off the lake, estimated to be the size of twenty Olympic swimming pools and extremely popular with local herons. Said Julie: ‘Whilst nothing can bring our son back, save for some bizarre act of necromancy, we feel that, given the recent spate of incidents, a perimeter fence is perhaps overdue. Though, obviously, it’s a hugely ambitious project in terms of finance.’ Husband Nigel nodded his assent.‘A fence would be ideal – and I’m sure the herons won’t mind,‘ he added, permitting himself a chuckle.


Alas, it appears that Watson’s career has been dogged by a series of unfortunate incidents. In 1990, his ‘Sunnyview’ cliff-top residential home collapsed into the sea with the loss of thirty residents after Watson grossly underestimated the pace of coastal erosion. Fortunately for Watson, he was away on holiday at the time.

Later that decade, Watson, who holds an HND in Psychology, drew criticism after locating his private mental health clinic ‘Manic Mondays’ adjacent to Clapham Junction, the world’s busiest rail interchange – a fact not lost on the many patients who opted to purchase an Adult Single there.

When presented with all of this, a philosophical Watson remarked:

‘Hindsight’s a wonderful thing ‘


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