[sic] Magazine

Agony Column readers furious after potential lesbian romance fails to progress beyond intimate chat.

Frustrated sighs could be heard from toilet cubicles the length and breadth of Britain yesterday as a much-anticipated lesbian sex romp in the popular tabloid agony column, Deidre’s Photo Casebook, culminated in nothing more than a supportive hug and a resolution to ‘work things out.’ The Sun’s most recent sex advice column told the story of ‘Tanya’ whose marriage had run into difficulties and needed to pour her heart out to her best friend Debbie, who in addition to being a predatory bi-sexual, was also a good listener.’

But the real-life ‘Debbie’ on whom the story is based confessed that, although she called round with the intention of seducing her vulnerable friend, when she pondered the moral implications of what might follow, she pulled back from the brink. ‘The photo story tells it just like it happened,’ recalled Debbie. ‘It was the hottest day of the year so Tanya and I had stripped down to our bras and panties with the intention of doing some sunbathing. We’d also drunk three bottles of Sauvignon Blanc and were feeling quite tipsy. Now I’ve always fancied Tanya something rotten, but as I began to play out the various erotic scenarios in my mind, I suddenly realised the hurt it would cause to Tanya’s husband Brian, not to mention their three lovely children, were they to find out.’

The final image of Deidre’s Photo Casebook sees the models putting their clothes back on, in case someone were to call round and get the wrong impression. ‘I mean skimpy lingerie is not exactly the appropriate attire for two women working through complex emotional and psychological problems’ says Debbie in one of the largest speech bubbles ever to feature on the page.

However the lack of sexual action in the column has outraged regular Sun readers. Clive Hartson from Dagenham said; ‘Since they banned our internet access at work, Deidre’s Photo Casebook has been my only opportunity for a spot of furtive masturbation on company time. These two slappers looked like they were well up for it. But what’s this – she’s only gone and had second thoughts! It’s a disgrace!’

After seeing the newspaper for herself, the real ‘Tanya’ sighed: ‘It’s such a shame. Life with Brian has become so dull and I always secretly had the hots for Debbie. I was just waiting for her to make the first move. I guess I won’t be needing this strap-on after all.’

Article & photo reproduced with kind permission of Newsbiscuit