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Man City in last-ditch attempt to recreate Amazonian rainforest

In a desperate bid to prevent homesick striker Carlos Tevez moving to Brazilian club Corinthians, City bosses are to seek the approval of a small scale rainforest project in inner city Manchester.

The South American striker has cited Manchester’s people and its lack of biodiversity as reasons behind his wanting a move back to his native continent.

The planned forest would cover an area of ten square kilometres, extending from Crumpsall to the city’s Northern Quarter and would feature species native to Brazil such as the tree frog, the kapok lizard and the blue-arsed macaque.
City boss Roberto Mancini said,

“Initially we looked at putting a few ferns up in the Arndale Centre then closing all the doors and whacking the heat up to thirty degrees, but it soon became clear that wasn’t going to cut it.”

Although Manchester’s annual rainfall total far exceeds that of the Amazon Basin, ecologists fear any such project would be vulnerable to deforestation as eight out of ten Mancunians own a viable chainsaw .

Last night there were fears that representatives of the club may have jumped the gun on the project after two thousand green-throated parakeets were found dead in the cargo hold of a PanAm jet at Manchester Airport.

City coach Brian Kidd added,
“Do you know anyone who wants to buy a snake? “